I Hate You Dad

“I Hate You Dad!”

Sometimes we, as a society, use judging terms meant to offend, displace or remove responsibility. It usually occurs out of guilt or shame for doing something we know we shouldn’t.

Have you ever heard a child complain to his/her mother and by saying: “Hey mom, stop freakin’ out” when they get caught doing something outside the appropriate behavioral boundaries of the home?

Here is a suggestion on how to handle such offspring.

When children use terms that judge: “Mom stop freakin’ out!” First, have them clarify what the word freakin‘ means.

If they don’t know or can’t articulate it, clarify it for them:

Freakin’:

1)    A parental state closely associated with love,

2)    The act of holding children responsible for growing up,

3)    A parental act that forbids children from remaining a teenager after age 19.

4)    The parental antithesis of apathy

Years ago during a merit badge discussion, Scott, then 12 yrs. old, got caught with his mouth exceeding of the speed limit and his brain still waiting at the stop sign.

During the heat of battle, Scott said: “I hate you dad!” He had a smile on his face and a twinkle in his eye. No malice was intended and no malice was received, but words have meaning so here is the discussion that followed.

D:            Scott, what does ‘I hate you’ mean?

S:            (turning a few shades of red) I don’t really hate you dad.

D:            I believe you son. How should your friends interpret the phrase?

S:            Silence….

D:            For the benefit of those in the room, here is what “I hate you” means in our home when Scott says it to his father:

Hate:

1. Thank you dad from the bottom of my heart for helping me to improve.
2. Thank you for not raising me to be a teenager but to be an adult and holding me accountable for being the best person I can be.
3. I love you for all you do and sacrifice in my behalf.
4. Please don’t change.
5. I know I have a lot to learn and I am appreciative of all that you teach me.
6. I look forward to the next opportunity for you to help me grow.

D:            How accurate was the explanation Scott?

S:            Yep, that’s what it means.

The Scouts found this very amusing. The following week I finished the merit badge class when Scott slipped again. Without looking up I asked the definition of the phrase: “I hate you dad.”

As a body, the scouts started listing off from the list and even added a few more. All of us got a good laugh and we moved on.

Who’s in control of your conversations?

Remember that the person asking the questions is always in control.