Searching for Agreement in School and in the Home

Searching for Agreement in the Classroom and in the Home

During my High School years, whenever we had a substitute it was another way of turning the dogs loose. We tore the teacher to pieces. That is unless the substitute carried boundaries into the classroom. Pity the poor teacher that started class trying to be nice and friendly. That’s like dangling a bleeding lamb over a starving den of lions.

Parents of toddlers find themselves torn between wanting to surrender to the cuteness of their offspring and knowing that the word “brat” is another name for a child raised with no discipline. Not only do brats create stress in others – they themselves are unhappy.

Both cases are examples of seeking agreement. The teacher wants to be liked and viewed as a nice person. She doesn’t want to offend anyone and hopes we can all just have a good time.

Parents who are afraid to set boundaries around their children are guilty of abdicating their positions as parents and leave the discipline to everyone their brat disturbs. Many a time have I witnessed parents more focused on being interesting (talking about themselves) in social gatherings, then in being interested (tending their children). The result is that their respective brats run amok at other’s people’s expense.

Years ago when my oldest son, Charles was in pre-school, one of the boys in the class struggled with discipline. I had just arrived home one evening when the boy’s mother came to pick him up. The mother became engaged in a conversation with Cheri, my wife, so the boy continued to play, except his behavior became increasingly worse and was threatening the safety of my house.

He was throwing around a ball, bouncing it and kicking it off the walls in our living room, dining room, and kitchen. All of this while his mother stood talking with my wife. After two nice warnings not to kick the ball in our house, the third time I took the ball from the boy and escorted him to his mother.

To my amazement, the mother chewed me out for 5 minutes and left in a huff. Cheri impressed upon me to repent of my behavior, so I purchased some flowers and apologized to her for disciplining her son in my home.

I suppose there was room for improvement as I raised my voice exclaiming his name while watching the ball bounce off a painting on our wall. After picking up the ball I motioned him to his mother with the desire to discipline the old fashioned way. I restrained.

I wasn’t guilty of seeking agreement. However, I didn’t search for any understanding in my anger. I couldn’t understand why the mother saw such behavior as acceptable. I waited a full week to take the flowers. That was a tough apology.

Children who never receive guidance or boundaries grow up weak and unable to deal with the difficulties of life. They usually blame everyone but themselves for failure and have no capacity for teamwork.

To even hint to this mother that she had a problem just about got my head cut off, but what is the cost to her son?