Stuck

Your family has a big problem! Your kids are misbehaving and your marriage is strained with the recession, too much debt, and the breakdown of communication (an exchange of understanding) with the kids.

As a result of the stress, the two of you don’t talk much any more. Sure, you might yell a little, throw a few blame jabs, coupled with some justification jargon, but as for communicating, that happened in the good ol’ days.

Silence That Isn’t Golden

Some years ago my wife, Cheri and I had dinner with some friends at a little Mexican restaurant in the Proctor district in Tacoma. The food was sumptuous and my chimichanga was absolutely amazing especially considering it was fat free, at least until I ate it.

It was a blustery evening outside so after dinner we snuggled up to a fireplace conversation. It was rather mundane actually, that is until Gertie expressed some strong opinions on a political subject.

What a perfect evening this was turning out to be, a dinner and a conflict. Gertie’s strong words did not harmonize with my view and I felt excited at the potential conflict brewing in the room.

Do Words Have Meaning Anymore?

Within each culture there are certain words that carry a specific meaning known only to the aborigines and veterans of that culture.

For example, in the German culture if you point to the temple on your head with your index finger, you are expressing the same sentiment in German as if you were to extend the middle finger high in the air here in the states.

In Germany, Switzerland, or Austria, if you were to ask the question: “How are you today,” be prepared to listen to an answer. Here, expect to hear one word that carries no meaning. Something like, fine.

The Four Horseman

John Gottman, PhD.  from the University of Washington has done amazing work and research on marriage over the past few decades and has identified four key problems that lead to divorce. He calls them the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse.

The four problems are: criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling.

Dr. Gottman explains that contempt for a partner is the most crucial indicator of divorce. He can predict with 95% accuracy if a couple will divorce after watching them for only 15 minutes.

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are a metaphor depicting the end of the world. They are described as conquest, war, hunger, and death.

It’s My Money

My wife and I attended a recent Bridal show at the Tacoma Dome to discuss our system for helping newlyweds improve the odds that their marriage will last. Some folks were very interested; others were kind but were not.

The most interesting were the very opinionated brides to be when asked, “Do you have a Spending Plan?” Their almost agitated responses proved insightful:

“I have my money and he has his. He’ll never know how much. As long as he buys his socks and underwear, we’re fine.”

Secret Tips and Tricks to a Happy Marriage

Why are those words so alluring?

The most successful couples seldom read articles with those words in the title.  Such articles are for couples who are either struggling or do not comprehend that a successful marriage cannot be obtained with a few tricks.

There are no secret tips.  There are no magic tricks.  A happy marriage starts with love and ends with intimacy. The catalyst to making it work is the ability to develop trust. It’s the accumulation of good habits overriding the bad habits you developed before marriage.

Our Greatest Challenge

It is has been said that you will marry or raise your greatest challenge!

Yesterday I invited my granddaughter’s parents over to our house. Abigail, my granddaughter, is the cutest little piece of energy in existence. Just look at her!

Her dad sent me this response.

I told Heather about the discussion, and this was her reply

Let’s refer to “Abigail” as… The Monster.

The Monster only slept for an hour today.

The Monster is very grumpy.

You married Perfection

Have you ever wondered what would happen if a perfect man married a perfect woman?

I’ll wager that he would shoot her inside of a week if she didn’t strangle him first.

The story is told of a husband, who after three months of marriage, sat down to dinner with his wife and said: “I think it’s time we discussed some needed areas of improvement in our marriage. I’ll like to share a list of things you can improve on and then you can share your ideas with me.”

Puppy Dogs and Men

During a conversation with my wife the other day, Cheri commented that men are just like puppy dogs. Since I’m not fully comfortable being compared to the four-legged animal kingdom, I asked for clarification. She smiled and explained: “Dogs are pleasers. They want their masters to be happy.”

She’s right. I am a pleaser. I don’t like it when my wife is angry with me. I want to make her happy and I don’t like the doghouse. I prefer my wife’s bed, just like my dog.

Flying Under the Radar

In the year 2009, it is currently vogue to be wired 24/7. It’s harmful, but it is cool. Without the ability to fly under the radar screen for a period of time to recharge your batteries, you are living on the edge of stress and your body and mind are red lining.

I think being cool is just the opposite. Take an evening this week and fly under the radar screen. Drive your friends and relatives bonkers and turn off all electronic contact power from 5PM to morning. Achieve some balance by finding some ‘me’ time without electronics. Meditate, singularly focus your mind on something or on nothing and regenerate your batteries.