Are You Listening?

Are you listening?

Our sense of hearing is a remarkable system. There is so much noise going on around each of us that it is impossible to listen to everything. We hear it all, but listening is different.

Listening means you are present for that moment in time. Energy in the form of thinking exists which is an activity practiced less and less. Thinking is a requisite to problem solving.

What is Your Accent

What is your Accent?

Have you ever been to England? It’s a pleasure listening to a British or an Aussie accent. A few years ago, I had the opportunity to spend in week in the British Isles. It was interesting to notice who spoke with an accent.

What is your accent? Is there somebody at your work or in your circle of influence that is always the center of bad news? Do you hesitate ever asking them how they’re doing for fear they will tell you. They are always suffering from some …itis and the law of attraction consolidates an aura of negativity upon their space.

Silence That Isn’t Golden

Some years ago my wife, Cheri and I had dinner with some friends at a little Mexican restaurant in the Proctor district in Tacoma. The food was sumptuous and my chimichanga was absolutely amazing especially considering it was fat free, at least until I ate it.

It was a blustery evening outside so after dinner we snuggled up to a fireplace conversation. It was rather mundane actually, that is until Gertie expressed some strong opinions on a political subject.

What a perfect evening this was turning out to be, a dinner and a conflict. Gertie’s strong words did not harmonize with my view and I felt excited at the potential conflict brewing in the room.

Nature vs. Nurture

The memory of a broken mother ever lingers in my mind as this wonderful woman mourned the apparent lost soul of her son. Such a memory seems to never leave my mind because the person in my memory is constantly changing and another mother takes center stage.

There are broken hearts all over the world as a result of children making harmful decisions. Parents who blame themselves are often overwhelmed with sorrow and shame and sadly, they share their misery with others.

Do Words Have Meaning Anymore?

Within each culture there are certain words that carry a specific meaning known only to the aborigines and veterans of that culture.

For example, in the German culture if you point to the temple on your head with your index finger, you are expressing the same sentiment in German as if you were to extend the middle finger high in the air here in the states.

In Germany, Switzerland, or Austria, if you were to ask the question: “How are you today,” be prepared to listen to an answer. Here, expect to hear one word that carries no meaning. Something like, fine.

The Four Horseman

John Gottman, PhD.  from the University of Washington has done amazing work and research on marriage over the past few decades and has identified four key problems that lead to divorce. He calls them the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse.

The four problems are: criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling.

Dr. Gottman explains that contempt for a partner is the most crucial indicator of divorce. He can predict with 95% accuracy if a couple will divorce after watching them for only 15 minutes.

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are a metaphor depicting the end of the world. They are described as conquest, war, hunger, and death.

It’s My Money

My wife and I attended a recent Bridal show at the Tacoma Dome to discuss our system for helping newlyweds improve the odds that their marriage will last. Some folks were very interested; others were kind but were not.

The most interesting were the very opinionated brides to be when asked, “Do you have a Spending Plan?” Their almost agitated responses proved insightful:

“I have my money and he has his. He’ll never know how much. As long as he buys his socks and underwear, we’re fine.”

Secret Tips and Tricks to a Happy Marriage

Why are those words so alluring?

The most successful couples seldom read articles with those words in the title.  Such articles are for couples who are either struggling or do not comprehend that a successful marriage cannot be obtained with a few tricks.

There are no secret tips.  There are no magic tricks.  A happy marriage starts with love and ends with intimacy. The catalyst to making it work is the ability to develop trust. It’s the accumulation of good habits overriding the bad habits you developed before marriage.

Lust is not Love

Some of life’s greatest lessons are counter intuitive. Growing up I always believed the ultimate in an interpersonal relationship was love. Now those exact words didn’t exist, but the thought process was the same.

Some men select a bride because she has pretty eyes, some because she has pretty hair. A man once married his bride because she could sing. On the morning after their marriage, when he saw her without any paint or powder on, and saw a part of her hair on the dresser, he looked at her and said,” Sing, for hell sakes, sing!”

Our Greatest Challenge

It is has been said that you will marry or raise your greatest challenge!

Yesterday I invited my granddaughter’s parents over to our house. Abigail, my granddaughter, is the cutest little piece of energy in existence. Just look at her!

Her dad sent me this response.

I told Heather about the discussion, and this was her reply

Let’s refer to “Abigail” as… The Monster.

The Monster only slept for an hour today.

The Monster is very grumpy.