Stuck

Your family has a big problem! Your kids are misbehaving and your marriage is strained with the recession, too much debt, and the breakdown of communication (an exchange of understanding) with the kids.

As a result of the stress, the two of you don’t talk much any more. Sure, you might yell a little, throw a few blame jabs, coupled with some justification jargon, but as for communicating, that happened in the good ol’ days.

Silence That Isn’t Golden

Some years ago my wife, Cheri and I had dinner with some friends at a little Mexican restaurant in the Proctor district in Tacoma. The food was sumptuous and my chimichanga was absolutely amazing especially considering it was fat free, at least until I ate it.

It was a blustery evening outside so after dinner we snuggled up to a fireplace conversation. It was rather mundane actually, that is until Gertie expressed some strong opinions on a political subject.

What a perfect evening this was turning out to be, a dinner and a conflict. Gertie’s strong words did not harmonize with my view and I felt excited at the potential conflict brewing in the room.

Nature vs. Nurture

The memory of a broken mother ever lingers in my mind as this wonderful woman mourned the apparent lost soul of her son. Such a memory seems to never leave my mind because the person in my memory is constantly changing and another mother takes center stage.

There are broken hearts all over the world as a result of children making harmful decisions. Parents who blame themselves are often overwhelmed with sorrow and shame and sadly, they share their misery with others.

Do Words Have Meaning Anymore?

Within each culture there are certain words that carry a specific meaning known only to the aborigines and veterans of that culture.

For example, in the German culture if you point to the temple on your head with your index finger, you are expressing the same sentiment in German as if you were to extend the middle finger high in the air here in the states.

In Germany, Switzerland, or Austria, if you were to ask the question: “How are you today,” be prepared to listen to an answer. Here, expect to hear one word that carries no meaning. Something like, fine.

The Four Horseman

John Gottman, PhD.  from the University of Washington has done amazing work and research on marriage over the past few decades and has identified four key problems that lead to divorce. He calls them the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse.

The four problems are: criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling.

Dr. Gottman explains that contempt for a partner is the most crucial indicator of divorce. He can predict with 95% accuracy if a couple will divorce after watching them for only 15 minutes.

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are a metaphor depicting the end of the world. They are described as conquest, war, hunger, and death.

Secret Tips and Tricks to a Happy Marriage

Why are those words so alluring?

The most successful couples seldom read articles with those words in the title.  Such articles are for couples who are either struggling or do not comprehend that a successful marriage cannot be obtained with a few tricks.

There are no secret tips.  There are no magic tricks.  A happy marriage starts with love and ends with intimacy. The catalyst to making it work is the ability to develop trust. It’s the accumulation of good habits overriding the bad habits you developed before marriage.

Our Greatest Challenge

It is has been said that you will marry or raise your greatest challenge!

Yesterday I invited my granddaughter’s parents over to our house. Abigail, my granddaughter, is the cutest little piece of energy in existence. Just look at her!

Her dad sent me this response.

I told Heather about the discussion, and this was her reply

Let’s refer to “Abigail” as… The Monster.

The Monster only slept for an hour today.

The Monster is very grumpy.

You married Perfection

Have you ever wondered what would happen if a perfect man married a perfect woman?

I’ll wager that he would shoot her inside of a week if she didn’t strangle him first.

The story is told of a husband, who after three months of marriage, sat down to dinner with his wife and said: “I think it’s time we discussed some needed areas of improvement in our marriage. I’ll like to share a list of things you can improve on and then you can share your ideas with me.”

Puppy Dogs and Men

During a conversation with my wife the other day, Cheri commented that men are just like puppy dogs. Since I’m not fully comfortable being compared to the four-legged animal kingdom, I asked for clarification. She smiled and explained: “Dogs are pleasers. They want their masters to be happy.”

She’s right. I am a pleaser. I don’t like it when my wife is angry with me. I want to make her happy and I don’t like the doghouse. I prefer my wife’s bed, just like my dog.

Where Have all the Children Gone?

If you were asked what means more to you than anything in the world? What would you say? What would almost anybody say?

I just returned from spending almost a week with the Boy Scouts on a High Adventure in the San Juan Islands. Camping, hiking, cliff jumping, kayaking, swimming and adventure in record-breaking heat.

It was a marvelous time and what made the experience so great was that my son, Scott, spent the time with me as my tent buddy. Each night around the campfire (non-blazing because of a burn ban) we spent time with 15 scouts discussing morals, family, honesty, integrity, and many of the essentials skills and attributes that make up a successful person.